Mirror, Mirror

Have you ever noticed how many magical mirrors there are in fantasy stories? Protagonist and antagonist alike have spent many well written scenes fixated on a reflection. The purpose served varies greatly, but whenever a magical mirror is involved mischief or mystery is sure to follow. The power of a magical mirror can be so great that sometimes just witnessing the reflection it displays can change the course of a character’s fate forever.

I sat the other day in my husband’s office chair in our tiny home while my youngest child slept in my arms. I’m not sure I can say he’s newly minted as a toddler, he’s been running around trying to keep up with the big kids for a few months now so I think he’s firmly earned the title. But my mommy heart would break a little bit if I stopped calling him a baby altogether. As I reminded myself to allow the moments of quiet to sink into my long term memory bank, I glanced up at the blank computer screen in front of me. I was met with the reflection of my miniature home and all of the chaos it contains. This little baby of mine contributes as much, if not more, than his older siblings to that chaos. The tornado of little ones storming into and out of our 260 square feet that we currently call home is loud, messy, and wild. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I thought about what I saw in that reflection and what it meant to me. I’m a terrible housekeeper anytime, but especially so with a very busy toddler on my hands. Seeing the piled up dirty dishes, scattered toys and books, and laundry waiting to be folded wasn’t out of my ordinary. But the scene did make me think about what I once thought the reflection of my life would look like. And you know what? I didn’t know what that reflection should look like. I’m not sure if I’ve forgotten what my past’s vision of the future was, or if I simply never had one. We could all spend hours staring into a magic mirror hoping to change an outcome; but that would only accomplish diverting our attention from what is actually around us. I struggle sometimes to remember how the place I find myself in now relates to where I want to go. Reflecting on our past explains our present. Looking for an image of our future gives our dreams and goals direction for today. But I do think it’s far too easy to slip into a place where we’re driven by a hazy reflection of past experiences and enthusiasm for future ventures. When I find myself doing that I also find myself setting a frenzied pace and pursuing scattered priorities. It never works out for my benefit. Learning to see when I need a reset isn’t easy. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that I never realize I need to refuel until I’m past empty. I suppose that’s where a magic mirror could come in handy. Finding balance and deliberately slowing down are valuable and rare skills that we should all be improving constantly. Because when we master those skills we can truly find our intended direction instead of following a vague projection of desire. A short while ago, I was listening to a friend of mine being interviewed on a podcast. She said: “Between our pain and our passion is our purpose.” That’s so true. What we see in our reflections is just a facsimile of our actual selves, it’s the image of our pain and our passions. We need to focus inward to see the reality of our purpose. I’ve grown comfortable with my everyday, not needing to look for a specific potential future, because I have found meaning in my now. All it takes is seeing my quirky, happy family being themselves to know I’ve found my purpose.

I don’t need a magic mirror to tell me about fate or to transport me to another reality. I’m not concerned with vanity or altering appearances. I think I rather like the image I have. You see, the conclusion I came to after pondering that reflection is that I am perfectly pleased with my current version of life. Messy chaos, crazy kiddos, tiny living space and all.